Sad but hopeful...


Last night was so grim, because someone beautiful left this world. My Grammy is a phenomenal woman, I say that she ‘is’ even though she passed away, because I believe in God’s purpose and I know that she is not gone for good, but in heaven. Not only did my Grammy help raise me, she also influenced me to be the woman I am today and I am so grateful to have known her while she was still on this earth. I am also grateful that all three of my children were able to meet her. Though I am sad that they will not have the memories with my Grammy the way I do, I am assured by my own ability to pass those memories down. They will know her too.

Still, nothing makes her loss any easier. Last night I cried until I was exhausted, yet at the same time, I feel peace because Grammy suffered so much; it is comforting to know that she is not in pain anymore. She fought and my grandfather fought for her. I know that they both did all that they could. Their love is fierce, it always has been and I honestly believe that if they had not been fighting for her the way they did, she would have died months ago. This battle all began last January, but the war with her health has been going for much longer. I have feared losing her since I was thirteen years old. Thankfully I didn’t then, but last night, when I found out that the vessel called her body finally went out after a long, painful fight, the world felt so much colder without her. But she is still here.   

Annette, my Grammy, was one of a kind and I see so much of her in my daughter Valerie; her humor, her fire, her strength and her sass. It’s all there. And I still have my memories.

While I know that Grammy is in heaven, it does not make missing her any easier. I am just so relieved to know that God has everything under control.

Last night he led me to these verses that have comforted me, so I am sharing them with you.

“he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 25:8 NIV

“But your dead will live; their bodies will rise. You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy. Your dew is like the dew of the morning; the earth will give birth to her dead.” Isaiah 26:19 NIV

I know that Grammy is forever freed from the heart disease and diabetes that made her suffer here on earth. I just wish I could hug her and tell her that I love her in person, one more time. But I know that I will see her again. That is God’s promise and God does not lie.